Tonight’s Hash: I just received an update from my new BFF Tim and Shana about the Hash run tonight. This is going to be their Virgin lay (hopefully it is as kinky as it sounds) meaning it is the first run they have led. Plus, because it is going to also be my first Hash they have decided to make it a little bit special so the price for the other wankers and wanketts is going to be $7 not $5. In addition I just learned of this other cute couple, Sandy and Keith, who met at Hash. I am so excited!!!!!! Now that you are out of my life, I’ll be so lucky. You are still not invited.
Where were you last night????? Where were you???? I waited for you all night, all night!!!!! At first I thought that you were LOST or worst since you didn’t answer your phone, HURT. It was only this morning I learned from my friend Tiff that she saw you out with that tattooed fake blond bimbo you met last week at the Mint. Well it’s over between us, don’t ever call me again. Now, I’m not the only one with new friends. This week I also met some people, a cute couple Tim and Shana. Tim has a cute butt and Shana the looks and body of a goddess. Who knows I might just do them both.
They have invited me to something called a Hash, with the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers. Don’t worry this Hash has nothing to do with illegal drugs, so I won’t be seeing your rotten teeth methed out skinny bitch sister there (oh you didn’t know, sorry). No, this Hash is a 3-4 mile evening run this Monday, February 20, 2012. There will also be at least 2 beer checks. With the theme of Mardi Gras 2012, it is going to be a high-class affair with some equally eccentric people. This Hash event will begin at 6:30 pm from – Riverlakes Drive between Olive and Hageman across from the Golf Course entrance, in the parking lot of the Riverlakes clubhouse/pool/lake area, and you are not invited. Besides since it’s exercise I wouldn’t expect your lard ass to be there anyway.
The cost will be $5.00 but since I’m what is called a newbee I won’t have to pay. All I have to do is some sort of initiation. Since I don’t sing, and you’re the only joke I know my only option is to show a body part (and as you know my body parts are no joke). I’m going to hopefully show to 20-25 people WHAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN!!!!!!
Don’t call me, don’t text me; I’m dropping you from FB and blocking you from my Google circle. You are now free to go back to your sister-cousin where I found you. In short (as your’s is), as far as I’m concerned you have never existed. SO F*CK OFF.
Hashers Note: None of the events depict above are real. Any resemblance to anybody who might have dropped me 25 years ago is strictly coincidental.