HO, HO, HO! Cheer up, wankers. The Analyule Haggin Oaks Christmas Lights Hash will be this cumming Monday, December 17. So make your list – and check it twice – of your most hideous Christmas paraphernalia and strap that crap on your bad self. Then, show up at 6:30 for the run and gargle some Christmas sploogies to prime your vocal chords for the perverted carols we will unleash on the unsuspecting citizenry of Haggin Oaks as we pursue Santa’s liquor-stocked sleigh hijacked by that renegade elf Diamond Dick.

Meet in the parking lot on the north side of the Kaiser Permanente medical office at the NE corner of Ming Ave. and Haggin Oaks Blvd. Map to the start location at this link: https://goo.gl/maps/NvQtwv5kjXr

We expect to see several prodigal hashers at this run, so be prepared to greet them with cold beers, warm sploogies and open armpits.

Bring $5 for this Hashmas event. Song sheets will be provided, so bring a torch so you can see the words and we can do better than the normally pathetic BH3 choir.

ON ON!

Diamond Dick cordially invites you to put on your galoshes and run through the rain-soaked scrubland he fondly calls home. This epic trail will start at Airport Dr. and Petrol Rd., squarely in the 08 zone. Expect mud, meth labs, homeless banjo-playing 08ers, and other delights of the north side. There will likely be a piss stop at the new Amazon building. Map to the start location at this link: https://goo.gl/maps/oTm8KpVZ5qq

Meet at 6:30 p.m. Park on the NW or SW corners of the intersection. As usual, bring $5 for the usual assortment of cold beers and shitty snacks. We will be in the boonies, so bring a flashlight – or not if you’re feeling extra adventurous. You might consider a full body condom as well.

ON ON!